Old writing: Observations on Human behavior
I worked in a large university hospital for about 8 months in 1999-2000. At the time I was rudderless, virtually friendless and spent most of my desk-ridden job perusing the nascent Internet and writing down observations about human behavior that I witnessed at the hospital. I recently found a list of generalizations which have not been edited to make me funnier or more cogent, given the passage of more than a decade. Here is that list:
Children
*No one with kids ever decides to leave them at home.
*Fat children rule the world
*Strollers are becoming frighteningly huge and puffy.
*Most strollers are worth more than my car.
*Most strollers hold more occupants than my car.
* A lot of 9-year-old kids still ride in strollers.
Manners
*People will wear rollerblades anywhere.
*Everyone smokes
The Restroom
*No one seems to possess the ability to hold his or her pee for any length of time.
* At any given moment, in most public restrooms, there is someone having ridiculous diarrhea.
Fashion
*Mullets are, by no means, even close to extinct.
Food
*Taco salad is “heart healthy”
* People will steal anything left unattended in a hallway that even remotely resembles a cookie
